CLASSICAL DILEMMA

     So I am back to being a day scholar. Yeah. School has opened and the the owner of the room I was using is back. Well, it was good while it lasted. Went home for the first time this month. My aunt is doing great, thanks for asking. The food is still shitty though. The maize flour used to make ugali is turning sour because its has reached its expiry date. But it cannot be thrown away because ‘we cannot throw away food when people are dying of hunger’. Seriously!? How is eating the food going to help those dying with hunger? Actually I think throwing it away increases their chances of the foodless getting it. They may be snooping round the trash and then, lo and behold, stale ugali!! Trash manna. May not taste like the manna from heaven but it is just as free.

     I have not done any kind of shopping for the new semester. I was shocked to find that people even shop for clothes for a new semester. I am still wearing shit I wore in first year. And I think I am expected to graduate in them. Something has got to change man! But it is very hard to convince a man that does not accept growth/change. Back when I was little, my dad would buy me shoes two sizes bigger than necessary just so to avoid buying me shoes for another couple of years. Ignoring the psychological and physical torture that wearing clown shoes brought, I have my dad to thank for my beautiful feet. Since my feet were never squeezed by wearing shoes that fit, my feet had room to grow quickly, uniformly and deformedlessly. That is why i still have the whole nail to all my toes. Even on my little toes. Very little people have them. But I do not think that having all toe nails is something to brag about because they are not that important. There is nothing I can do that you cannot without your denailed toes, so please, do not be jealous of my pinkie toe nails. Unless of course you are one of those chicks that that harbour feet fetishes. Just call me up anytime if you want to suck them. But I doubt my feet can turn you on anyway. Due to the freedom of growth they are so big I doubt they will feet in your mouth unless you have a mouth like this guy.

Having big feet is the worst! They cannot fit in girls mouth, shoes cost like a bitch, makes you walk like a duck and takes up a lot of blood that could be used elsewhere. In fact the only good thing about having big feet is if you get girls who actually believe that the bigger the foot the closer you are to it being a foot long.

     Enough about feet. I can have started smelling them. School. New semester always comes with a new challenge of choosing units. And since I am used to having choices being made for me, I am stuck in a dilemma because it all up to me now. I do not know which to choose. Last semester was easy. I chose the one that was passed by everyone. But such accurate display of skills cannot be put into play now because both units are equally shitty. Might just as well as toss a coin, or throw a dice. Or ask my kid bro. Or avoid the one which is on Monday mornings and-slash-or Friday afternoons. (Those are the two times it should be declared illegal to schedule classes.) You may be seated there thinking aloud, particularly to no one, why not just pick the one that is more marketable? And I am here to tell you, stop talking to yourself. Also, that does not work if you are choosing between two units that are almost identical. At least that is what I think.

     Now that you you know everything that has happened in my life so far ... no wait. I have not told you about my face. It is mutating. And not because I have super powers. Unless I was looking for the power to make a baby shriek at first glance. (Can I make Stan Lee make a movie from that?) My face is turning pimply ridiculously fast. I can feel one growing right now. The pimples are so many that some are growing on top of others. I am sure that if you know Braille you can find a detailed report (with illustrations) on how to cure cancer on my face. And the pimples are darker than the rest of the face so now I look unfinished or patched. But it is okay. I am not planning to look at myself in the mirror anytime soon so I can just ignore the problem. As long as no one reminds me of it.

     I got a class at 8 so I am now off to bed because I am planning to wake up at that time. But before I go, let me leave you with a special music mix that will no doubt make your day/night. Click here to listen.

P.S If you are one of those slow people they show on TV let me just explain to you that it means dick.

P.P.S Do not bother clicking here to listen to the special music mix. I was trying to waste your time. Did it work?