Two Fourteen

   Then suddenly I heard about this new gadget by Google called Google Glasses . Essentially how they work is like this. They are lenses that act as a screen to keep showing you stuff like your G + notifications and the weather report and stream porn right before your eyes. It is really futuristic stuff and looks really awesome but when I first heard about them I didn’t see why I would want to have a pair to myself. I already wear glasses. So would I have to put The Google Glasses over my normal ones? that is really douchy, I thought. I already do that with 3D glasses and feel dumb enough. Thank God for the poor lighting in the movie theaters. And then there is the multitasking thing. I can actually picture the thought process of those Google Guys in my head. Yo Dawg. I heard that you like wearing glasses. So I put some glasses over your glasses so that you can see while you see. I have to be looking at and through my glasses at the same time. That is really hard for me and no...

     I do not get the deal with men wanting their chicks to swallow. I mean, you have already come in her mouth. Isn't that humiliating enough? What possible advantage is there in wanting her to swallow other than asserting your dominance? If I am to think in Physics, the only guess I have is, her swallowing creates a vacuum in her mouth and this sucks out the remaining semen from the shaft thus accelerating and-slash-or prolonging your orgasm. But in order for this to work, the system has to be closed. Meaning that she has to have her mouth well around the penis to prevent the air outside from getting in and filling in the vacuum. But now this brings in a biological problem. Not a lot of girls can swallow with their mouth open. So most will end up choking.  And is that what men really want? Maybe. Probably. Niggas brains have been brainwashed by porn. Seriously, if you are a man, think about this. If you are a woman, ask a man to think about this. ‘Wh...

      How was your day? Mine? Class was shit but the visit to the school clinic was shittier. My stomach has been hurting since as long as I can remember (two days ago) and I decided to make a quick stop at the clinic for my usual round of ' it's nothing serious. It's probably just normal amoeba. Take these ' . I tell Doc I have diarrhea and he figures that I need to get my shit together, so prescribes some drugs .       Since I was already there, I decided to tell him about my cracked tooth. See, last weekend I was with a pal of mine somewhere in Kawangware looking for cheap shoes that could fit me. None of the ones we saw fitted both qualities so headed on back. On the way, we bought sugarcane. After he was through with his he started complaining of rashes on his face. Tried to look back and see if he had eaten anything that he was allergic to. This nigga is allergic to a variety of proteins. Milk and shit. How did such guys breast fee...

      I thought I had an 8 O'clock class, so I woke up early, did my shit and appeared in class right on time at 8.14 am. Only to find that I did not. Timetable clashes. What a waste of clean clothes. What a waste of sleep time. So what do I do now? I could go to the dentist. My tooth has been hurting something fierce since I broke it while chewing sugarcane last week. Eating has kinda been difficult and I now believe it has to be removed. I could go back to sleep, but then again I don't like sleeping during the day. Messes up my cycle. No, maybe I can actually finish that report on the field work we did last August that is due very very soon. Remind me to do that by the way. Or maybe I could walk in the middle of town to go sing the National Anthem at 1 am. the Kenya28Feb Poster      No, that is not just one of the random crazy ideas I give myself. It is an actual ceremony. Every February 28th, Kenyans congregate themselves at various publi...

     When I was a kid, I was a very poor eater. Or so I am told. My memory does not go past yesterday. I am told I would put food in my mouth and not chew for like 30 minutes. The food would turn watery due to digestion by saliva and I would swallow only when my cheeks got tired or I got a slap. I hated food. I still hate some till today. Whatever food I have no memory ever eating as a kid I never eat even today. I hate tomatoes, pizza, burgers, yorghut, onions, a range of green vegetables... the list is long.      Then in class four I went to boarding school. Which in retrospect was a very young age to be put away, considering how my bro is now in class four and still cannot cross the road by himself. But I think I get Dad's point of view. It was less of a hustle for him.    Boarding is where I can say I learnt how to eat, among other things. I learnt how to eat quickly because we had a time limit. And I learned how to eat a lot because the P.E d...

       I was seated at one end of my fave fast food joint and was staring at myself at the mirror smiling. Not like I enjoy looking at my reflection or anything but there was something about what I saw that just made me smile. It was 7.00 in the evening and that was my first meal of the day. From the moment I woke up, I had not put anything in my mouth, even water. I had gone to school and back, not even once did it occur to me that I had to eat. And now there I was, in that restaurant, with my plate of bhajia . I had just taken my first bite when I noticed my reflection on the mirror. My lip was bleeding. I had not even opened my mouth wide enough and my lip just stretched past its elastic lip and tore. For some reason, that made me smile.       I have an eating disorder. There is something I have never said out loud. Not because I live in denial. I have just figured it out. Or maybe I have been living in denial. I don't know.      I ca...