Two Fourteen

What did the green baboon say to the drowning raccoon? I don't know the answer to that question all I know is if you are a follower of this blog I have moved house. Blog Ya Dexxe The 254 Republican That is right. It comes a time when every campus blogger clears campus and has to show an improvement in life lest his followers think dumb of him. Either by stopping to blog all together or by switching to more boring (read mature) topics. Guess which one I opted for? That is right. None. I am switching all right but not content. More like location . Out of lack of better judgement, I went and bought myself a domain and hosting services. If you really know me you probably noticed that I insist on exaggerated designs. I hate these default themes. And blogger and  WordPress  could only let me customize so much. I only get the freedom I want by having a self hosted site. But that option is expensive and hate ads on my site. They make everything look confused e...

      I thought I had an 8 O'clock class, so I woke up early, did my shit and appeared in class right on time at 8.14 am. Only to find that I did not. Timetable clashes. What a waste of clean clothes. What a waste of sleep time. So what do I do now? I could go to the dentist. My tooth has been hurting something fierce since I broke it while chewing sugarcane last week. Eating has kinda been difficult and I now believe it has to be removed. I could go back to sleep, but then again I don't like sleeping during the day. Messes up my cycle. No, maybe I can actually finish that report on the field work we did last August that is due very very soon. Remind me to do that by the way. Or maybe I could walk in the middle of town to go sing the National Anthem at 1 am. the Kenya28Feb Poster      No, that is not just one of the random crazy ideas I give myself. It is an actual ceremony. Every February 28th, Kenyans congregate themselves at various publi...

     When I was a kid, I was a very poor eater. Or so I am told. My memory does not go past yesterday. I am told I would put food in my mouth and not chew for like 30 minutes. The food would turn watery due to digestion by saliva and I would swallow only when my cheeks got tired or I got a slap. I hated food. I still hate some till today. Whatever food I have no memory ever eating as a kid I never eat even today. I hate tomatoes, pizza, burgers, yorghut, onions, a range of green vegetables... the list is long.      Then in class four I went to boarding school. Which in retrospect was a very young age to be put away, considering how my bro is now in class four and still cannot cross the road by himself. But I think I get Dad's point of view. It was less of a hustle for him.    Boarding is where I can say I learnt how to eat, among other things. I learnt how to eat quickly because we had a time limit. And I learned how to eat a lot because the P.E d...

     I am finally back home yay!. Sorry, I should say I am back to The House. Because that is just what this place is. A house that most of its occupants happen to be related by blood.         Its been so long since I been here that I actually missed it. Yeah I said it. That was the longest academic year I have ever heard of. We open in October and close in September with the only break being that two-week Chrismas break. Its like I am studying for two degrees or something.         Any way, I got home to find alot has changed. In fact, almost everything, well, except my aunt's weave. She still has the same one from last year. Isn't that considered unsafe? Or is it okay if you just wash it? I would not know, I hate weaves.       The house help (les call her Mboch) is the one that gave me the update of whats going on since I left. She is always excited and happy despite the bullshit she goes through here. I find that ve...

     Every time I slipped off to sleep I would find myself getting choked by a baby. This happened repeatedly until I figured I was in a stupid (read wierd) dream. How can a baby be strong enough to choke me? I figured it was best to avoid drifting off to sleep for while because the next time that baby chokes me I might not wake up in time.      I lay there waiting to see if this killer baby would let me sleep. Thinking happy thoughts. I cannot remember those happy thoughts. Probably thoughts of me choking my aunt. After what seemed like forever I decided to give sleep another go. Immediately I closed my eyes, there was the baby. Floating over me, ready. What the hell? I was not even asleep yet. Had I brought this baby out of dreamland into real life? I opened my eyes again to try and figure out what was happening. The only logical solution was that I was still dreaming. Damn. I hate when this happens. I was trapped in a dream with a strangler cra...

      How was your Easter holiday people? I hope yours rocked but I am definite not more than mine. I spent my whole weekend in boxers! Not for the reason you are thinking but because I was all by self for the weekend. Oh what? That was what you thought? Then you are right.       This weekend being a holiday, we celebrated it the best way my aunt knows how...by gate crushing other relatives parties. As long as my aunt is in charge, we can never spend a holiday in our house, we have to go to other people. The reason? According to her, holidays are a time to spend time with family and people we love. According to us, holidays are a time for her to avoid spending any money on fancy foods for people who would probably not appreciate.       Whatever the reason, everyone was out the house and I came later to find myself all by myself (!?) So I did what anyone with a house to themselves would do. I stripped down to my b...

‘I thought you went to the market to buy vegetables , what the fuck is that?’ I asked Gandi pointing to the potted plant he had just walked in with. ‘This is a money plant bitch, haven't you ever seen one?’ He answered as he proceeded to prop it against the window on a broken plate.   [Of course the conversation was not as mild. I cut out a few curse words to make this post readable.Also, the conversation was not in English. I cannot stress that enough.]     A money plant. Eh? What the hell is a money plant? At first I thought he was planning to grow it so that he can be using its leaves as vegetables, you know, with the inflation and all. Then I thought, no. No one can just chew raw leaves like khat that.      As I go on guessing what a money plant was in my mind, I ask the niggaro why he thought of getting such a thing. Reasons were given, none that I bothered to remember. I went on to give my reasons. He is lonely and maybe using the plant as a chi...

    Sunday. That day of the week where you go to church to repent your sins so that they do not pile up and accumulate with next week's sins. I have not been to church of late. My sins are overflowing like the government sewage system. And like the government, I could not be bothered.     I am at home. I had to come back home today for a variety of reasons..     One of the reasons is because my little sister called me when she closed school. To tell me that she had closed school. And that she was broke. And we have this unwritten (but not unsaid) rule that whoever is in session should have money to give to whoever is in holiday because none of us has jobs and we were not lucky enough to get parents that give things called ALLOWANCES. My sister came through for me when I had that long holiday (thrice) and now it was my turn! Luckily, it is not always a lot of money that we share (you know, cos we do not have jobs). It is always something littl...

     This is a sucky day. But not because of my aunt! That was yesterday. Today is just gloomy. It looks like 6.30 in the morning but its is already midday! This weather is very undecided. Looks like its going to rain and has been looking like that since morning. Come on rain already! Yesterday it rained. I wonder why, the weather people had predicted a dry spell that they passionately nicknamed LaNina. I am thinking we set aside a special Lynch-Then-Burn A Meteorologist Day just for them because hotdammit! These guys are more confused liars more than lawyers and politicians combined!      There is no water in the taps. Because this is Kenya and such things are not considered important by our greedy government. I had planned on doing laundry today because I will be very engaged from Thursday having to read for my resits and all before next week. Oh, I didn't tell you that I failed and have to repeat? Pardon me. I failed and so I have to repeat. No...

    I had a weird dream today! Not last night. Today. Because I only sleep in the morning. I find it hard to sleep before midnight so that sort of translates to: I never sleep at night. Just mornings!! Morning to me is from 0000hrs by the way. Anyway, the dream. Like I said (where?) it is very inexplicable. I feel like of late when I fall asleep I am not enjoying my own beauty sleep but someone else's. I am sleeping on behalf of people. Or I am sleeping for people. I do not even get which it is. I happen not to know these people ( unfortunately) but I get to choose them. So its pretty random. Its like I sleep there and get displayed a scrolling list then I go like 'lets try this'. And when I get bored I just come out of the dream and choose another. Today however, I got stuck in the freaking dream and it got very uncomfortable.     I dreamt (as someone else) that we were about to con a certain rich fat man in order to steal his money. The plan was going ver...