NJORO THE CARPENTER
I was woken up early today. Not by the cold. I figured a way of not getting woken up by the cold. Its simple really. Sleep with clothes on. For some reason, that was not obvious to me. I have spent many a nights shivering in this bed because it was freezing and this blanket could not muster all the heat I demanded from it. So in short, no more sleeping in boxers.
Last night, my door broke off its hinges. If you look at the picture, you'd think a swat team had kicked it in or something. It was nothing of that sort. Gideon was closing it on his way out gently when it fell off. Either the door is very old, or Gideon has super human abilities. Either way yesterday I had to sleep with the door wide open. I had to booby trap in such a way that if someone came in unannounced, he would trip the door causing to crush with a thundering thud and that noise would hopefully wake me up and prevent getting thiefed.
Back to today morning. I woke up early, so I could not skip breakfast. As I went to the tuck shop to get the Breakfast of Champions, I passed by the custodian's office and told him about the door. He told me it he would get the carpenter by around 2 pm and I translated that to mean 'sometime next week'. Much to my surprise, 10 minutes after reporting the problem, the carpenter was in.
I was with some friends having breakfast while watching some Rwanda genocide documentary but he decided to chime in to give us better infotainment. Of how old he has become. He told of us of the days when he was young and energetic and would fuck girls till he cripples them. All in one shot. And without a condom. He then said that young men today require 3 shots to do what he did with one. We of course laughed at this and that just encouraged him to continue with his lewd stories. Of how when he was young he was mrembo sana and could easily charm a chick into bed. How he would rave in clubs that are now demolished for safety reasons. How expensive whores back then would only cost five shillings. How Coast has the best of such whores. Who don hijabs and nothing underneath. How these whores are even used by well known pastors (Sacred Commercial Sex Workers). He told us all these without censorship nor euphemism and we could only sit there wondering how he can be so open about such things to people he has never met before. Someone had clearly missed his morning pills.
Then he got to the story that made me lose my appetite completely. Apparently, it was custom, according to their tradition, that after circumcision, for elders to get you a prostitute who would clean you up. Apparently they suck and-slash-or fuck you until the left over foreskin falls clean off. And the head becomes lighter in the process. I did not quite try to figure out how this was possible mainly because I was avoiding thinking about it seeing as I was having breakfast. But now that I am through I have thought about it hard and still do not believe it. Are there any traditional Kikuyus out there? Did that really happen? Did it work? Or was this guy just spoiling my breakfast for kicks. I wish he had come and given us that story 10 minutes before I bought it. Then I would not have wasted money buying the food.
Now when i am hungry and with no money to buy food I know what to think about.
Last night, my door broke off its hinges. If you look at the picture, you'd think a swat team had kicked it in or something. It was nothing of that sort. Gideon was closing it on his way out gently when it fell off. Either the door is very old, or Gideon has super human abilities. Either way yesterday I had to sleep with the door wide open. I had to booby trap in such a way that if someone came in unannounced, he would trip the door causing to crush with a thundering thud and that noise would hopefully wake me up and prevent getting thiefed.
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| How old is this hostel? |
Back to today morning. I woke up early, so I could not skip breakfast. As I went to the tuck shop to get the Breakfast of Champions, I passed by the custodian's office and told him about the door. He told me it he would get the carpenter by around 2 pm and I translated that to mean 'sometime next week'. Much to my surprise, 10 minutes after reporting the problem, the carpenter was in.
I was with some friends having breakfast while watching some Rwanda genocide documentary but he decided to chime in to give us better infotainment. Of how old he has become. He told of us of the days when he was young and energetic and would fuck girls till he cripples them. All in one shot. And without a condom. He then said that young men today require 3 shots to do what he did with one. We of course laughed at this and that just encouraged him to continue with his lewd stories. Of how when he was young he was mrembo sana and could easily charm a chick into bed. How he would rave in clubs that are now demolished for safety reasons. How expensive whores back then would only cost five shillings. How Coast has the best of such whores. Who don hijabs and nothing underneath. How these whores are even used by well known pastors (Sacred Commercial Sex Workers). He told us all these without censorship nor euphemism and we could only sit there wondering how he can be so open about such things to people he has never met before. Someone had clearly missed his morning pills.
Then he got to the story that made me lose my appetite completely. Apparently, it was custom, according to their tradition, that after circumcision, for elders to get you a prostitute who would clean you up. Apparently they suck and-slash-or fuck you until the left over foreskin falls clean off. And the head becomes lighter in the process. I did not quite try to figure out how this was possible mainly because I was avoiding thinking about it seeing as I was having breakfast. But now that I am through I have thought about it hard and still do not believe it. Are there any traditional Kikuyus out there? Did that really happen? Did it work? Or was this guy just spoiling my breakfast for kicks. I wish he had come and given us that story 10 minutes before I bought it. Then I would not have wasted money buying the food.
Now when i am hungry and with no money to buy food I know what to think about.
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