Two Fourteen

      My Dad wanted me to meet him in town to buy a modem because he cannot live without internet and is too blind to use the one on his phone. Like father like son, ey? Anyway, I am in school and I am told to do full and detailed research on which is the best modem to use in Kenya, looking at it in terms of reliability, speed and cost. I did that deep rooted research in two minutes. I asked the experts on Twitter. One replied, ‘Orange mambo yote ’. So I relayed the info. I told him how it cost. He said he didn’t believe me, someone else had told him it was cheaper than that. So he decided not to give me the money to go buy. Instead, he wanted me to take him there. Fucking A. I knew I was going to regret it. So I switched my pessimism on. I set the bar at, he is going to punch someone at worst. If he did anything less than that then it would not be as regrettable.       He asks me to go to the shop and wait for him there. His car was stu...

      Back in high school we had really shitty toilets. No pun intended. This is literal. They were just full of themselves. You had to strip down to your bare minimum (boxers) just to avoid taking the stench out with you. And those were just the latrines. Do not get me started on the WC's. First of all, I don't get it. The toilet bowl is as wide as hell's gate. How the FUCK do you miss that shot from a range of 3 inches. No seriously, explain that to me. Do you actually take a dump then remove it and smear it on the floor?      Skipping forward.      There this one time, I timed just when the cleaners had done their magic and went in to enjoy my metime . Seconds later, a loud knock. 'KUBU KUBU KUBU' (because the door is wooden and rotting)         Now, instead of being my usual self and shouting my ' kuna mtu!!! ' to let him know it was occupied (by me) and then getting ready to block the door from opening just in case he...