Two Fourteen

Dad : Now what is this? My dad had just come back to find two parking attendants about to clamp his car. Her : Mzee haujalipa parking so utaenda City Hall kulipia huko. Dad : Who has refused to pay? I parked here and no one came so I came looking for you! It's like you people hide so that you can trick us into bribing you. This car has not even been here for 5 minutes. Him : Mzee let me tell you. We don't take bribes here. You see this? * turns to show a faded 'Corruption is Evil' label on his dust coat? *  Her : Usiongee mbaya mzee! Ati tunajificha? Ebu funga iyo gari ndio aone hatujifichi. This went on for a while. The car did not get clamped though. Neither did he bribe any of them.  The whole incidence however, did raise his blood pressure and that made our evening very unpleasant.      Have you ever gotten your car towed by the Nairobi City Council because they claimed you double parked yet there were no discernible parking lines on that...

Somewhere is Nairobi. A young couple is enjoying the evening in each others' company while watching the news.  suddenly the lady gets the urge to log into her online community. Her : (rummaging through her bag)  I can't find my phone. Ebu flash me with yours. Him : (Unconcerned, And not particularly pleased with getting interrupted while watching TV) Okay. What's your number? Her : Ai Babekins. You don't know my number off head? Him : You bought that line like yesterday. I never crammed it but i've saved it on my phone. (realizing he didn't have his phone with him) Hand it over to me it's over there charging. Her : It's okay let me do it. (Walks up to the socket and unplugs it) How have you saved me? Him : (Amused) You don't know your own number? Then how did you expe.... (deciding it's not worth it) You are speed dial number two. Her : (Confused, angry and hurt all at once) What!? Why not one? Which bitch is speed dial one? Him : Babe rel...

These matatu people should just die!  is what I was thinking as I was stumbled out of the moving matatu that had changed route midway. It was not like I was late enough as it was. I don't remember what I was in a hurry to do.  All I remember is jumping off the matatu and doing the usual self pat-down.      If you live in Eastlands you know what I mean. If you don't let me explain.      I live in an area full of thuggery. You might be seated to a passenger who will pick your pocket. You will only realize it later that, the reason that bastard was opening the newspaper that wide was because his third hand was busy in your pocket. And there you were thinking he was kind enough to let you read the sports section. Or it could be the conductor doing it. Why do you think he has to overload the matatu and still insist on moving around to collect everyone's fare personally? Huh? Why? Isuzu Prado? Seems legit     So , usually, when you g...