CIRCUMSIZED

    After I hung up, I had to replay the phone call in my head because I had no idea what I had agreed to.

You know your nephew is finished with primary school so he has to borrow you permission to become a man?

Oh, Yeah. No Problem

So you will be there on Saturday?

Sure no problem.

For those that still think we use a piece of rock

    I have to stop picking calls when I am preoccupied with something else. I am not good at multitasking. No really, I am not.

      It took me a while to get what my cousin was going on about. I am my nephew's uncle. That I knew. So why should I give him permission to finish school. Is this a custom I had skipped? I don't remember doing that shit when I finished Class 8. All I did after finishing my K.C.P.E  was... oh wait. Oh shit.

    My nephew needed to ask my permission to become a man. Now I got it. Nigga was going to get circumcised. How did I not understand that? Oh yeah, I did not do that traditional stuff. All I remember is Dad waking me at 6 am to drive to a doctor. Snip snip. I was back in time for breakfast. Nothing traditional. No running naked to the river at midnight with mud all over me. No having to undergo the cut using a piece of iron sheet that had just circumcised another 13 year old boy two seconds ago. No having a huge feast because I was now a man. I did not even have to kill a lion using only a piece of string and steel wool to show how brave and smart I was as a man. Quite frankly, it was very unmemorable.

    The only traditional thing I remember doing, in fact, was not seeing a female soul until my stitches wore off. So I had no idea what I was supposed to tell my nephew when he asked for permssion to be a man. How would he even ask?

'Hi Uncle. Give me permission to get my dick sharpened.'?

'I needed your blessing before I face the knife because it is contaminated with everything and you have the power to stop all infections.'?

     I really did not know. I figured the granting permission was figurative. Like how an aunt can give you a thousand shillings 'to buy soda'. So my cousin probably meant giving the kid a few life lessons about how the shit goes down or something. But I was new to this being an uncle thing so I had no idea what I was going to tell him. All I had was, 'It is going hurt.' and maybe, 'if bored, play with your stitches'.
     I could not come up with anything better because I got circumcised so long ago that I do not remember clearly what it was like after the cut. I remember peeing funny. The first time I went peeing after being circumsized (so to speak) was very disturbing. I am standing there dick aimed straight into the bowl, next thing I know I am pissing on my face, on the floor, out the window and behind my back all at the same time. I was peeing everywhere except inside the bowl. I was like a fucking sprinkler up in that bitch. It was scary. I thought that the doctor had done it wrong. Either that or I had no idea how the procedure was done.
     To date I never understood why I was peeing that way and if you have any idea, please share. Actually just share any circumcision related incidents. How you do it in your custom. Why you did not do it. Is your skin growing back? Do you have that chopped off prepuce in a jar of liquid oil somewhere? Do not be afraid to share. I do not judge harshly.
      Anyway I met up with him last weekend and gave him permission. Apparently he had to pay a requesting fee in order for me to grant the permission. I kid you not. I got paid to say YES. It's like I could have refused or something. I love that tradition. Let us cling on to that specific one please. I am an uncle to so many nigglets I could make a living out of it.

Ahem