Two Fourteen

(Rosa and I catching up on what has been going on lately in our lives) Her: I dunno in how many days. They are supposed to come next Tuesday. When is today? Me: I think, today is Friday. Her: Then that means we wait for… Me: No, today is Thursday. Her: What? Me: Thursday. Her: Say that again? Me: Thursday. Her: Again? Me: Why? Her: You are saying it funny. Me: No I am not. Her: It’s Thursday. Me: That is how I said it. Her: No you didn’t. You said Thursday Me: Instead of? Her: Thursday. Me: I hear no difference. Her: Of course you don’t. It is the Bantu in you. Me: I do not give a shit about these diphthongs or digraphs or whatever it is. English came to Kenya in a boat. It is not our language. Her: Exactly, it is not your language. So don’t spoil it like you own it. Also, it’s diphthong not diphthong. Me: Now you are messing with me. Her: Seriously, something is wrong with your tongue. Why is it so heavy. Me: I have been talking like that my whole life. Her: Really? Me: You know what,...

      How was your day? Mine? Class was shit but the visit to the school clinic was shittier. My stomach has been hurting since as long as I can remember (two days ago) and I decided to make a quick stop at the clinic for my usual round of ' it's nothing serious. It's probably just normal amoeba. Take these ' . I tell Doc I have diarrhea and he figures that I need to get my shit together, so prescribes some drugs .       Since I was already there, I decided to tell him about my cracked tooth. See, last weekend I was with a pal of mine somewhere in Kawangware looking for cheap shoes that could fit me. None of the ones we saw fitted both qualities so headed on back. On the way, we bought sugarcane. After he was through with his he started complaining of rashes on his face. Tried to look back and see if he had eaten anything that he was allergic to. This nigga is allergic to a variety of proteins. Milk and shit. How did such guys breast fee...

      I thought I had an 8 O'clock class, so I woke up early, did my shit and appeared in class right on time at 8.14 am. Only to find that I did not. Timetable clashes. What a waste of clean clothes. What a waste of sleep time. So what do I do now? I could go to the dentist. My tooth has been hurting something fierce since I broke it while chewing sugarcane last week. Eating has kinda been difficult and I now believe it has to be removed. I could go back to sleep, but then again I don't like sleeping during the day. Messes up my cycle. No, maybe I can actually finish that report on the field work we did last August that is due very very soon. Remind me to do that by the way. Or maybe I could walk in the middle of town to go sing the National Anthem at 1 am. the Kenya28Feb Poster      No, that is not just one of the random crazy ideas I give myself. It is an actual ceremony. Every February 28th, Kenyans congregate themselves at various publi...

      It was a chilly brisk, virulent, acoustically pleasing Saturday night. The stars were lined astronomically to cast virulent light across this virulent work of art that is Kenya.      Remember them primary school days when you had to write compositions like this or else don’t score both with the marks or the ladies .Yeah . The good old 90s.      Fast forward to this millennium. Saturday the twenty ninth, 2010 at 23.33.45. Wait. Now its 23.33.53. No shit. now the time is 23.34.09. Crap. But I guess you are getting my point, which is…. I hate my aunt. This is the decentest photo of Ms Guerra I could find.      I am lying on my bed looking the ceiling, but my view is blocked by the numerous mosquitoes circling me like hungry vultures waiting impatiently for the lights to be switched off or for me to sleep off. Whichever comes first. I normally don’t go out for raves on weekends because….. Vida Guerra is h...

If you are a fan of Dancehall, you must have notice d how Don Corleone s’ washroom is the size of the chrome chimney of that icon ic Columbian bigship called Dutty Rock. If not, then you must be a young vet s and it is notnice to pretend that you know Dancehall. Those ballaz got money green cashflow to liv up to when the blue sky turns the moon yellow . To get to their massive boardhouse , just take the outaroad and keep left until you see a trackhouse playing warriors music . That music will get to your s ubkonshus and give you a head concussion because it make your body feel like a bomb rush . Don’t worry though, human rights guys are looking into it.  Take the road that says Troyton next to a painting shop that sells g ood good monstapieces called Equinoxx . You cant miss it. it is open 12-12 . Just remember to bring my truck back when you are done. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This one of the posts that I somehow never get to publish. Dunno why. The date is someday last year   Sunday. Exams start tomorrow. I should be reading right? Wrong!! Well actually you are right I am just being stubborn. I should in fact be reading. But why am I not? Natasha's got a flu. And not just any normal cold flu. This shit right here is swine flu! She cannot do shit. And all my notes are in shit copy. No PDF can open, no word document, no PowerPoint. Nothing useful. Oh the videos play though. Yeah. Decided to watch Drive Angry while I thought about how fucked I was since I decided not to have money to print out my notes. That flick was such a guy movie. Fast muscle cars, hot chicks that can kick ass, people that can take a shot in the head. Unnecessary explosions. Ass and tits! What! I don't think I even got the story line well. Wait I think I did. Milton escaped from hell to save his grand daughter from a culticious Jonah who had murdered Milton's daughter and wa...

      My Dad wanted me to meet him in town to buy a modem because he cannot live without internet and is too blind to use the one on his phone. Like father like son, ey? Anyway, I am in school and I am told to do full and detailed research on which is the best modem to use in Kenya, looking at it in terms of reliability, speed and cost. I did that deep rooted research in two minutes. I asked the experts on Twitter. One replied, ‘Orange mambo yote ’. So I relayed the info. I told him how it cost. He said he didn’t believe me, someone else had told him it was cheaper than that. So he decided not to give me the money to go buy. Instead, he wanted me to take him there. Fucking A. I knew I was going to regret it. So I switched my pessimism on. I set the bar at, he is going to punch someone at worst. If he did anything less than that then it would not be as regrettable.       He asks me to go to the shop and wait for him there. His car was stu...