Two Fourteen

Lindsay Funke : Bob Loblaw is a handsome professional man and I am only used to… [looks at her husband]… none of those things. Tobias Funke: Okay Lindsay are you forgetting I was a professional twice over? An analyst and a therapist. The worlds first analrapist. This is a conversation from Arrested Development between Tobias Funke and his wife Lindsay. The wife was comparing their new handsome rich and successful lawyer Bob Loblaw with her weird husband.

     Every time I slipped off to sleep I would find myself getting choked by a baby. This happened repeatedly until I figured I was in a stupid (read wierd) dream. How can a baby be strong enough to choke me? I figured it was best to avoid drifting off to sleep for while because the next time that baby chokes me I might not wake up in time.      I lay there waiting to see if this killer baby would let me sleep. Thinking happy thoughts. I cannot remember those happy thoughts. Probably thoughts of me choking my aunt. After what seemed like forever I decided to give sleep another go. Immediately I closed my eyes, there was the baby. Floating over me, ready. What the hell? I was not even asleep yet. Had I brought this baby out of dreamland into real life? I opened my eyes again to try and figure out what was happening. The only logical solution was that I was still dreaming. Damn. I hate when this happens. I was trapped in a dream with a strangler cra...

      Kenyans are dying of famine. And a campaign has been started by various firms to feed the 3 million starving Kenyans from the North Eastern Province. Dubbed Kenyans for Kenya Initiative. Our target is 500 million in 4 weeks. Kenyans are urged to send their donations to MPesa PayBill number 111111 (six ones just incase I typo). To Kenya Commercial Bank account 1133333338 (woi! Someone please tell me that is the correct number of 3s). Apparently there was another initaitive that had been started in January by the Red Cross dubbed Feed Kenya Initiative. But it did not  achieve its targeted goals. To donate to that initiative: M Pesa Paybill to 10000 Acc feedke. Airtel nickname REDCROSS reference feedke , or by going online to kenyaredcross.org. Personally I think they should have just kept with the initial initiative but this is the first paragraph so I should not be giving my opinions just yet.      Yaay! Second paragraph, so I am fr...

     Today I finished watching The Wire. Watched every season back to back. I remember seeing that show back when it was popular. I was too young to enjoy it, I think. Those high school years when I wanted a FOX show that is straight to the point. Where the good guy is the good guy from episode 1 to the 34th. I blame the 8-4-4 system. Makes it difficult for one to think outside of the carton. But now that my brain activity has increased a whole 0.1 per cent, I have grown intelligenter and I now enjoy shows with a good script more than the ones with just fight scenes. Any way I just finished 60 episodes of this one hour show and all I can think is I need to look for 70 more hours to watch it again because this shit right here is the bomb. The show is worth the hype.      My only issue was that it takes so long for the momentum of the story to pick up. I was not interested in the first season until like the fourth episode. Unlike The Shield. Which s...

     I am living in a death trap I tell you. Just days after my hostel door is fixed, another part of the room falls apart. This time it was one of those drawers that I put my clothes on. It just gave in. It could not support the weight on 2 flies. I initially did not know this because I have never needed to put anything on it, until yesterday. I am thinking of calling Njoro the Carpenter again but I fear that the hostel may start charging me because of all the damage 'I' am causing. But in reality, the damage is caused by not bothering to renovate a building that was up in the 70's.      So now I have to be uber careful what I do in there lest the roof falls on me. I have to assume the table is next so no heavy stuff on it. The bed too must not be rocked unnecessarily. The chair must be waiting for an extra ounce of disturbance to snap the metal that is holding it, so even that must not be touched. So in short, no sex in this room.  ...

     Some guys assume that since I know what USB stands for, I am a computer guru. As a matter of fact, I have done no professional computer classes. I did MS Word. Does that count? Not to me it does not. But still people assume I know everything. Truth is I know enough.  Ian asked me to take him buy a good new computer for 30K. I did not know such  place but I made some few calls and got a place. There was a core 2 duo Pavillion dv6 for 36K and a Core 2 Duo Vostro for 32K. Problem was Ian wanted a brand new laptop. The ones which he opens the box and shit. The kind of shit that you buy from Safaricom. Overpriced computers with nothing of value. This shop we were in had no such laptops because they only dealt with mostly high end stuff.       But he did want either because they did not come in a box. For all he cared, they were used. All we wanted to do was unwrap a new computer himself. Why? Because that is what the sister wanted....

     I was woken up early today. Not by the cold. I figured a way of not getting woken up by the cold. Its simple really. Sleep with clothes on. For some reason, that was not obvious to me. I have spent many a nights shivering in this bed because it was freezing and this blanket could not muster all the heat I demanded from it. So in short, no more sleeping in boxers.      Last night, my door broke off its hinges. If you look at the picture, you'd think a swat team had kicked it in or something. It was nothing of that sort. Gideon was closing it on his way out gently when it fell off. Either the door is very old, or Gideon has super human abilities. Either way yesterday I had to sleep with the door wide open. I had to booby trap in such a way that if someone came in unannounced, he would trip the door causing to crush with a thundering thud and that noise would hopefully wake me up and prevent getting thiefed. How old is this hostel?    ...

     After a whole year of sleeping no where specific, the system finally got me a decent room. Yes they may be a little late considering that they gave it to me when it was holiday time but still I am not complaining. It only for this month and cost me only 7 shillings extra a day. You hear such an amount and you can just imagine how shitty the rooms must be. Whenever anyone ask me how much a hostel cost me per year I tell them Ksh 5880 . Then they ask me ‘ 6000 per month?’ and I am like no, that is per academic year! Fucking cheap right? Well that is even the expensive ones around here. We get charged between 18 – 30 shillings per day, meaning you can even get a room for 3906 Ksh p.a. But that is only for freshmen. Strictly! I cannot stress this enough. The cheapest ones are for the First Years. This is a reason I am stressing this so much.     I am stressing it just in case you turn out to be one of those parents who behave like my dad. Just before ...

      Jesus Christ! Did I just misspell the word QWERTY? On a fucking computer keyboard? I need help.  The time now is 6 am. I woke up at fucking 6 on a fucking Saturday. I just found it hard to sleep anymore. And I do not think I slept that early! So what is keeping me up? Its hard to tell.       Since my classes had ended unofficially, I got a friend to hook me up with an entertainment gadget to pass time with. He had the Nokia N97 to spare so it was mine  for like 2 days. At first I found this phone very annoying. It is fully touch and with a slide of a qwerty keyboard. The thing I find annoying is this: Why have both? If a phone has a fully functioning keyboard, why get charged extra to have the screen be fully touch sensitive? Or vice versa? Maybe I am just hating but until I stop, I do not think I can get overcharged for such gimmickry. But I have always hated both qwerty and touch phones. So I think the combination of bo...

M.B Junior:  I’m just in the middle of a stupid girl problem that’s all. M.B Senior: I don’t even have a girlfriend, much less a stupid one. M.B Junior:  The problem is stupid, the girl isn't stupid. Narrator: But if they ever have a child it would be.Because the girl is his cousin Maebe .

    Today I was woken up by my dad. Not the best way to wake up, (actually its the worst. I hate it) but life is not fair. So I cannot complain. Having woken up around 4 hours earlier than I have been accustomed to lately (12 pm), my system had not completely booted up. I could not go back to sleep so I decided to watch something as I waited for my morning . Like I said, my system was not up so I need to watch something that did not require any brain activity whatsoever. That is how I ended watching this year's BET awards.      I am not really a fan of these award shows but it was in my comp somehow and it was worth a watch before deletion. Let me start by saying how racist I think this show is. There is this guy that they kept showing and I was wondering what was so peculiar about him. Until it finally hit me. He was white. The seats were filled with only* blacks. But I guess those are some of the benefits of being a minority in a community. Its not g...

       I should be at home on holiday. We closed school last month. But somehow someway I am still in school. Something to do with that long field work I told you about. Oh, what? I didn't. Well, next month, we will be going to this a field activity like the one I took last December. he only difference is that this one is going to be twice as long and twice as expensive and, most definitely, twice as tiring as the last one. EXCITOS -_- .      As we wait for the August trip, we are required to spend this July rehearsing and making preparations or some bullshit like that. So no going home. To some this was a major bummer but to me, anything that will keep me away from my aunt is pretty much welcome.       So I have this whole month to myself hopefully to get my shit together and find my inner self. Or some bullshit like that. With the free time and free internet I am trying out something new. I am promising myself that this July,...